Itachi's turmoil
by Dark Blue Butterfly
Summary: Itachi discovers something he's never known before as strong as this. what could be driving the Eldest Uchiha insane? Read and find out!


Hey! I'm back with a story, of what you ask? read and find out! sorry, this story bugged me day after day, and even in my dreams, then i decided, hey, some people out there are worth letting read this, others, well they can go suck a duck... anyway, read on, and please review!!_  
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_ Often i ask myself, how is it, Evelin , that i am so attracted to you? You are everything i hate, yet i love you even more? It makes no sense. But oh, how i do love you, everything about you. I love everything that i hate about you. Your bubbly attitude contradicts my own, so why then do i stay around to listen to it? Pointless words, dripping like jewels from your mouth, your voice music to my ears. But yet i hate to be around you because of it? I'm closer to you than i would like to admit. But unfortunately there is no turning back. I'm cold and mean to you, but you stick on to me. At night though on days I'm especially bad, i hear you crying quietly in the bedroom. But yet the next day you act as though i am your god. Another odd detail is you are not one bit scared of me, never asked about what i have done, nothing about my family. Something is always shadowing you though, some nights you dissapear and don't return until almost dawn. I've never inquired about it though. Even though i do care for you something prevents me from showing it. I am afraid i think. Afraid of caring about someone too much, i cared for my family, but see what i did with all that affection? You trust me blindly and it drives me crazy, but it comforts me at the same time, because i know that because of that trust, i could never actually harm you. Its odd, my family trusted me, but i disregarded it. I also returned it, but with you i don't try to trust you, i see how much it hurts you, i just can't bring myself to do it. But when three days ago you told me we were to have a child, it blew my mind. I hated you even more, loved you more. I didn't want to bring about another family, one that i could destroy. I don't want to destroy anything that has to do with you, but i wish with my body and soul that i could destroy the growth in your womb. Just so i couldn't hurt it later, so that you wouldn't be devastated if i screwed up. When i think about it though, it almost makes me smile. When i thought i could produce no heirs to the Uchiha name, you turn up. This baby is going to be exactly like you, I'm going to hate it and love it even more for hating it. Why did you have to complicate my life with love? I despise it, therefore loving it more. My life grew more complicated the day i met you. Watching as i tried to kill you, you gave up fighting and accepted it, never once afraid. Staring at me with unblinking eyes, not pleading, but trusting me to not kill you, obviously it worked though, for you are still alive and pleasurably torturing me. You see what you do to me and relish in it. Your twisted beautiful mind coming up with different ways to mess with my head everyday, making me want to scream. I swore to myself, before i met you, that i would never intentionally love again, but promises are as empty as the words used to make them. Even as this is being said, written, imagined, i watch you, siting with your back to me, singing to music. Beautiful loathed voice. I love it, for being part of you. I never felt like this for someone. You stupid girl! You come anywhere near me and electricity shoots through my body, you touch me and sparks fly. I love you Evelin. With all of my heart. I do. My only question is, for how long will it last? Will we die together? Live together? Or will we drift apart? I think i know why you love me so much, the scars on your arms prove it. Your past was bad enough, but then, again, i have no idea, because, with me, your future isn't going to be the best. You deserve someone more open to you. You deserve someone else, like that Uzamaki kid. Bright, hyper, happy. Just like you, i hate him. But i wouldn't feel right leaving you with him, inadequate protection. If anyone ever hurt you, they would feel my wrath Evelin. If they hurt my child, i would kill them, even if i do despise it. _

_I have another question I'm burning to ask, but not able to. Would you marry me Evelin? Would you if i actually asked you? Or would i be wasting my breath and lost my heart completely for nothing? I'm a coward i guess. You really deserve someone else, even my little brother would be more adequate for you than me. Why do you love me? Why did you come into my life? Why? I hate you for it! I love you for it! My head is swimming with the different emotions, confusing me and i can't figure it out. They are complicating my life to no end. Why girl can't you just take back your love without hurting me or you and leave? Putting my life back into its natural balance? I don't know whats real anymore. What to believe. What to feel. How to act. How to live. You drive me insane! When I'm not around you i want so desperately to have you in my arms, when you are, i want nothing more than for you to be gone. You torture me so. I know why i hate you, i hate you **because i** love you I don't want to go through this anymore. I'm tired of this emotional maelstrom that is my life. And it all revolves around you and what you do to me. I would die for you, i would kill for you. Would you do the same? I wish i could have a glimpse into your mind. See what goes through it. Try and figure you out. Perhaps someday. Perhaps._

The door opened behind Evelin as she read the diary, making her jump. She looked behind her to see a somewhat startled Itachi. She only had one thing to say to him:

"Yes Itachi"


End file.
